This Is A Dare & I'm Daring You

"I was looking for you yesterday after the service just to say not only a big thank you for your..."

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 23:18:00 +0000

“I was looking for you yesterday after the service just to say not only a big thank you for your ministry towards the kids and all of us, but most of all to say how brilliantly and fantastically you did. You were very confident, clear and kids related positively to you. In fact, everyone with whom I spoke said how much they enjoyed your talk. You really astonished them. Well done Laura!!! I’m so proud of you. You set the tone for great things.”

- Rev Dr Abi

Video

Sun, 29 May 2011 22:13:09 +0100

Junior Camp 2010.

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 01:49:34 +0000

Junior Camp 2010.

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 01:48:31 +0000

Junior Camp 2010.

Things i can do: bake pretty decent cupcakes take photos of a reasonable standard write...

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 01:38:40 +0000

Things i can do:

bake pretty decent cupcakes
take photos of a reasonable standard
write coherently
establish positive, affirming relationships with young people
lead silly (but relationally/developmentally/spiritually significant) games
make posters/promotional materials
explain faith ‘stuff’ at a fairly accessible level
(and learn about ways to improve on this)

Trying to convince myself i’m not useless.

The sound quality is awful. The video is embarrassing. But they...

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 16:07:30 +0100

The sound quality is awful. The video is embarrassing. But they say an awful lot of nice things. Aw.

Peter, my ex-psychologist’s reply to my passing my degree.

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 20:13:28 +0100

Peter, my ex-psychologist’s reply to my passing my degree.

Goodbye message from Robyn. D’aww.

Fri, 25 Jun 2010 12:25:26 +0100

Goodbye message from Robyn. D’aww.

Fond farewells.

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 16:01:58 +0100

Fond farewells.

Annual review comments from George (line-manager).

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:34:44 +0100

Annual review comments from George (line-manager).

Final ever essay. 90%. Just an acknowledgement, because a few...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:32:29 +0100

Final ever essay. 90%.

Just an acknowledgement, because a few depression-ridden weeks ago i couldn’t see how i would possibly get it done.

C’est moi, by Holly.

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:21:38 +0100

C’est moi, by Holly.

Photo

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 17:06:43 +0100

A letter to myself

Sun, 30 May 2010 23:36:00 +0100

Dear self,

i don’t know if you noticed, but you were really quite unwell again for a while there. Depression crept up on you and seriously knocked the wind out of your sails.

i know that you know that really. i know that you felt it sneaking up and recognised the symptoms from the start, or somewhere close enough.

And i know that fear and shame and sadness and so many forms of negativity stopped you from getting help for quite some time.

But you’re getting better. You’re really, truly, recovering and getting back on your feet again. Still taking baby steps, but back on your feet.

i just thought that now, while your brain is letting up on itself and allowing in a little bit of light, it might be a good idea to remind yourself of the things that have helped; to note down the things that have struck some sort of balance, so that next time this monster crawls out of the shadows - which it inevitably will - you can have these weapons ready for your defence.

i know you hate doctors. i know you hate talking about emotions and feelings and darkness of such a kind. And i know you feel like a failure being unable to survive without pills. But the truth of the matter is that they have helped. The doctors are not as scary as you think and the pills really, honestly, truly do work. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help.
Secondly, it’s okay to take some time out. Sometimes letting go of some commitments eases the pressure a little and allows some time and space and energy to focus on recovery. Sometimes it’s okay to stay in bed for a couple of days - not to wallow, because that won’t help anybody, but just to regain some energy & strength. i know you don’t want to let anyone down, but sometimes it’s okay to ask others to hold the fort for a little while. The world won’t fall down without you. And you will contribute to it better when you’re well.
It’s all right to talk sometimes as well. We were made to be in community with other people. We work better that way. Remember that. Get up and go for coffee with someone comfortable. Talk to mum, don’t tell her you’re “just tired” as an excuse to get off the phone. Go to Psychology and say, “i don’t feel very well at the moment, do you mind if we forget the theories & just chat for a while?” There are people who want to hear it. And, as cliche as it sounds, it really will help.
You really really need to remember to eat. This is the hardest part for you. i know that. i know that when you’re sad and lethargic and fighting all those negative thoughts, your appetite disappears. i know that a lot of the time it’s more than that - that you are deliberately, consciously refusing to eat in an effort to self-destruct. Don’t do that. All those things your dietician told you about the brain needing food to function and filter out the negative thoughts? They’re so very, very true. Eat something. Anything. Order take-away and stock up on ice-cream, if you want. Just remember that you really need to eat.
Lastly, you need to create. It’s hard when your brain isn’t working and your energy is sapped and your concentration disappears and your motivation refuses to let you out of bed.. but creating is what you do. Write something. Doodle. Edit your website. Take some crappy pictures, for goodness sake. i promise you it’ll be good for your soul.

Do these things, with your curtains open, fresh air in your room and an endless supply of tea and things will - eventually - begin to get better. It may not seem like it now, but things are not always this helpless and hopeless and dark. There are brighter days. There are days of purpose and hope and love. You have lived them and breathed them and seen them before. And there will be more to come.

It might take a little time. It might seem like things will never improve. But they do. They always do. Depression is a harsh and hateful monster ..but it is not you. You can fight it and you can win. And things will improve. i promise you.

Most of all, just remember to be kind to you. Feel it. Breathe it. Allow it to knock the wind out of your sails. And then pick yourself up again and move on. Baby steps.. into the light.

You can do it.

There are brighter days to come.

In faith and love,

- your very own self.

100 fans.

Tue, 06 Apr 2010 17:42:00 +0100

100 fans.

"i think your photography is amazing btw. inspiring. i have your little business card with one of..."

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 01:28:00 +0100

“i think your photography is amazing btw. inspiring. i have your little business card with one of your tanzania photos on it on my wall in my office in my ‘remember to’ section where i put things which remind me to do things i don’t do often enough. like see the beauty in people or be in awe of God’s creation or things like that. I think your photography often captures the essence of that - the beauty, the stillness, an intention or a meaning behind something we walk past every day but never truely comprehend, or the juxstaposed life we live in and all its curious little ways. Anyway, I’m clearly no writer and I now dunno if that even makes sense, but thanks for the inspiration and for continuing to take photos and sharing them with us.”

- Facebook comment.

Treasure.

Sun, 28 Mar 2010 02:41:00 +0100

Treasure.

"I realise you don’t really use this anymore, but, I just wanted to let you know how loved you..."

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 21:50:00 +0000

“I realise you don’t really use this anymore, but, I just wanted to let you know how loved you are. I don’t think you see right now how much people care about you, and everyone should know how much they mean to others, always.
I for one know that you have helped me beyond belief. Just knowing that someone cares and is willing to listen if need be means so so much. You honestly do have the kindest of hearts and it breaks my heart to think you might be doubting how utterly fantastic you are! You have so many amazing things ahead of you and I just hope with everything I have that you keep pushing on with the hope and belief that there are bigger and better things waiting for you. You jut have to push on through this pain for a bit longer. Easier said than done, I know. Keep being who you are. You are astouding as you are. <3.”

- Formspring.

Someone in my home church gave this to Leanne, our Officer at...

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:20:00 +0000

Someone in my home church gave this to Leanne, our Officer at the time, who passed it on to me. i have absolutely no idea who it’s from, but it has remained in my Bible ever since.

From a youth group night, here in Prestwick, a few years...

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:18:00 +0000

From a youth group night, here in Prestwick, a few years back.

(My brother & sister have contributions too.)